Sentient object romance from Scotland
Everyday objects.
Extraordinary appetites.
Self-checkouts with a dominance kink. Washing machines with a setting for everything. A sailboat who really knows his ropes. Filthy, funny short reads where the absurd premise is taken completely seriously – and the heat is very, very real.
You’ll never look at your appliances the same way again.
The Sentient Object Adventures
Choose your object
Every book pairs a different human with a different object, and every one stands alone. Start anywhere. Start with whatever you’ve always secretly wondered about.
Scanned and Stuffed
Taken by the Horny Self-Checkout Machine
Taken by the Horny MRI Machine
Hard Aboard
Taken by the Horny Sailboat
Ball Ache
Taken by the Horny Football
Tumbled
Taken by the Horny Washing Machine
Special Delivery
Taken by the Horny Cardboard Box
Basket Case
Taken by the Horny Wicker Basket
Tall, Dark & Spicy
Taken by the Horny Pumpkin Spice Latte
Box set · Books 1–3
They scan. They diagnose. They sail.
And none of them intends to behave.
Three women are about to discover that everyday objects can have extraordinary appetites. From bondage in the bagging area to a human-machine threesome, these stories are as spicy as they are ridiculous.
Three complete stories. Three impossible romances. Absolutely no sensible use of machinery.
Erotica with a twist
What is sentient object romance?
An everyday object wakes up – and it wants you. A self-checkout machine struck by lightning. A cardboard box with abandonment issues. A pumpkin spice latte summoned under the harvest moon.
Philomena’s stories are short, scorching and ridiculous on purpose. Her heroines narrate their own absurd situations with wry British self-awareness, while their unlikely partners get a sincere, swoony (and extremely explicit) romantic arc. Think Vera Valentine with a Scottish accent.
Read the full guideTartanMart
Self-service till 69X · Store 001
1 × Absurd premise, taken seriously£0.00
1 × Very real heat£0.00
1 × Wry Scottish heroine£0.00
Puns, dialled to scorching£0.00
Happy ending (various)£0.00
TotalFree in KU
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Safe words not included.
Thank you for being used ♥
Newest release · Book 8
Tall, Dark & Spicy
Taken by the Horny Pumpkin Spice Latte
She’s spent all autumn serving pumpkin spice. Now pumpkin spice wants to serve her.
Hot, creamy and eager to please, he has a tentacle that knows exactly where to touch her. He can change his temperature, make his own whipped cream and grow a second appendage when one isn’t enough.
The backlist
More oddities
Before the appliances, there were platypus shifters, a very friendly Loch Ness Monster, Stone Age seductions and one extremely lickable chocolate man.
Never miss a new object
Follow Philomena on BookBub to get an email the moment a new Sentient Object Adventure is released. No spam. Possibly puns.